i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
