Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
