I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
