I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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