His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
