Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
