Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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