I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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