i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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