I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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