don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
