My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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