I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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