tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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