I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
