I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
