Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
