id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
