Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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