He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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