And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
