It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
