My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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