I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
