My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
