I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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