You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
