he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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