OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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