Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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