Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
