I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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