I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Randomize
