I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
