Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
