I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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