And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
