I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
