Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
