he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
