I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
