So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
