oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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