This dress was meant to end up on your floor
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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