Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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