I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
