I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
