she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
