you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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