we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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