Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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