I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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