phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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